A little over a week ago, our most recent concert, “Made For Another World” opened in Roseville, California. I always walk away from Chadash projects, especially our concerts, with a flood of mixed emotions. Joy, exhaustion, gratitude, and sadness are just a few of these. I am an introverted person who tends to analyze (and over-analyze!) my experiences and feelings, and this time around has been no different.
Yet my experience this time has been a little different, and I have felt prompted to share it, not only because of its peculiarity, but also because I believe most creatives/makers can resonate with what I have been feeling the past couple of days.
Every time we create, it is a hugely courageous act of vulnerability. We are sharing and bearing our hearts and putting them out in front of the world to not only see but judge. Everytime I walk away from the bearing of my soul in this way, I feel not only vulnerable, but also exposed.
Our most recent concert follows a “Wind Dancer” who sets out on a journey to find the Wind she thinks she has lost and along the way confronts Enemies such as Fear, Busyness, Ego, and Apathy. The second act begins with these Enemies “assaulting” her, attacking her viciously with lies about her identity, the Wind, and the world around her.
One of the things that has always amazed me as an artist is that oftentimes the creation that flows through us teaches and forms us. I have become very familiar with “Made For Another World” as our January show was the second time within six months or so that we have performed this concert. And yet. . .
And yet I was caught completely off-guard when my own insidious Enemy assault took me by surprise with savage force. My Enemies advanced with lies on every front and left me shaking, afraid and cowering, lying on the ground, just like our Wind Dancer. You see, my Enemies know exactly what will bring me to my knees. They go after my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, expose my greatest fears, and leave me feeling fragile and unsafe.
And so I am thankful that just at the right time, just like our story onstage, the Wind appeared and blew every one of my Enemies away. Not that I won’t continue to face and do battle with these Enemies, but that I am not bound by them. That I have a choice. I can either listen to the voice of these liars who tell me things such as “you’ll never be good enough,” or “you don’t have what it takes,” or I can make the intentional choice to listen to the voice of the Wind who reminds me of who He is, who I am, His love for me, that I do not have to be afraid for He is always with me, and that He will give me exactly what I need for each next step of the journey laid out before my feet, at just the right moment.
And I realize I am free. Free to be who I was made to be and do what I was designed to do.